I had to break up with my boyfriend Am I wrong or should 41 year old man have a job or be at least looking for one.My boyfriend was living with me briefly basiy for fun and doesnt understand why I think he needs a job.Or why he should contribute to the household.He didnt have to pay the mortgage but couple hundred dollars a month would be nice.He is on unemployment and works side jobs so he has the emoney to help he flat out won't so I told he had to leave.My hearts broken but I am not going to support a grown man.I have a child to support.

Why'd you even date him in the first place? Past 30, everyone you date SHOULD be potential marriage material...no? Job, drugs, financial responsibility, abusive, etc...those are deal breakers - don't even waste your time, even if they are fun. Don't even bother with a fling really because it's so easy to become attached. Next thing you know you care about them and start putting up with horrible behavior. X

Was he working when he moved it? What was your agreement BEFORE he moved in regarding bills?

He said he would buy groceries which is fine he eats alot so that would have worked out fine.BUt,it only happened once.

Well then you can't bitch about him not working to pay rent/bills. Your ONLY valid complaint is that he did not buy groceries. You got what you asked fo ron this one. How long did he live there?

this time 3 mons about 3 mons last time

Ok glad you did not let him stay there for free for years or something like that. Good job on kicking him out. Regardless of your agreement, he is a "grown up" (I use that term loosely) and there is NO excuse for him choosing to sit on his ass all day. Don't let him back in, my advice.

Can't believe he turned out to be such... a dead beat! You'd think a guy who would only agree to contribute for groceries would be more responsible than that! X

I think you know the answer to this When you ask if a 41 yr old man should have a job.

not for fun..meant for free..

i was wondering about that typo at first i thought it was a sex for housing trade

heck no sex took a dump about x mons ago

His excuse was Im not paying your exs bills...only thing in exs name was house everything else was in my name.SO very lame excuse

his excuse and backside should hit the door if you haven't already kicked him out

I tossed him out this morning

There you go. Good job. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

No. He never agreed to pay any bills, according to you. Sorry, but you asked for this when you allowed a deadbeat to move into your house. I only hope you do not have children in your f'd up situations.

he agreed to give me money for groceries never got any

Then agreement was not met... out on his lazy ass he goes!

Only issue I see here is this. You didn't have to break up with him. This isn't even about his issues. The fact is you made a choice, the right one in my opinion, to break up with him. No one held a gun to your head. But he is who he is and you also chose to let him move in. Change up the focus a bit from all his faults and start working on why you'd put yourself into this position in the first place. All those red flags and yet you charged ahead... Don't do it again. You have a child to support.

You are consistently one cool duck. Loving your input, thanks.

You did the right thing. I once had neighbor who phoned me from work asking for a ride home after his car died. It felt odd; we'd barely spoken before then, but I helped him out. Next week, he asked for rides to work, "just 'till his car got fixed." In no time, I became his taxi. He started coming to my flat to beg meals. Soon, he fenced his dog into my back yard. He asked to borrow my car. He asked, he wanted, he needed, he begged. He became an albatross on my back, a vampire. This went on for months until I'd had enough, so I issued him an ultimatum: He either had a car in x weeks' time, or he ed a cab, because I was done. His dog, & its puppies, had to be housed elsewhere in the same timeframe. He tried to wiggle out of it, claiming the weather wasn't great for car shopping, or finding homes for his puppies. He whined, he pouted, he tried the silent treatment, but I stayed firm & ended his shennigans. Some people will use you for as long as you let them. Your time, food, space, money, utilities, vehicle, all that you have was put on this earth for them to use freely with no guilt or reciprocity on their part. I learned this the hard way. The wise thing is to never open the door to freeloaders, even if they come dressed as SOs. Don't lose sleep over it. You did the right thing.

I told him When you get a job me.I won't hold my breathe

Oooo, be careful. He may , tell you he's got a job, move in, help out a little bit for awhile, and oops! His mean hearted boss just fired him, & gee whiz, he's sure glad you're so understanding... This sort can be very conniving, & resourceful - with YOUR resources.

he wont get a job

Well, just in case he does, I would tell him that after this experience, you are no longer willing to let him live with you. You can say you think it'll be better for your relationship if you keep your own living spaces & associated funds separate. Do you plan to keep seeing him? Or has this been the final turnoff?

I dont plan on seeing him He said never to him again....i wasnt planning on it,

Wrong? Not in my book But it's not my life. Personally, I'd have never allowed a x-year-old lazy, shiftless and unemployed man in my bed in the first place, much less invited him to move in. Grow a spine, find some self-respect, and change the locks. You did the right thing.

Hey , I did it for a year and a half Thank god it didn't take you that long to figure it out . You're a smart cookie. Mine was a total joke because he was so in debt that when he did work and I asked him to chip in , it became a loan. A loan , you heard me right. You did the right thing x% all the way. The problem with these people is they have no fucking self respect ( neither did I for allowing the shit to go on so long ) . They have a sense of entitlement that will carry on forever with you or to the next poor soul. It's a pattern I saw after the fact. Friends that wouldn't talk to him a few ex's that basiy told him never to contact them again. It was a lightbulb moment and I think you had yours. The only thing you are going to regret is not kicking him out sooner. Trust me , I do . Good luck