My girlfriend always wants me around Just need a little advise. I work m-f. I leave the house at 7 and do not get home till 6. Now I have a martial arts class m, w, f from the time I get out of work (5pm) to about 8 and I get home 830-9. She works till 3 m-f and every other saturday and sunday. The weekends she works, I work side jobs. I take the weekends off that she has ONLY because if I dont, it will lead to a huge fight. She gets upset and mad that I am never around..... I am around, I just like to keep myself busy and I do that by working. I dont stay away from her because I do not love her, I just like a little time and space apart. Are a lot of woman like this. She ALWAYS wants me around it seams and gets so mad/upset when im not. I mean even if she has to run into the store to get one thing, she will not unless I go with her but if I need something, she will wait in the car while I go in.

Its very simple: You are wooped She's a stage five clinger and you need to grow some balls. NO--all women are not like this. Aaaaaaahhh How does she do it? I know girls like her. It's like she has some kind of spell on you. WTF

She has a lot of growing up to do. I don't think there is much else to say about it until this happens. It's all guesswork. This is a dysfunctional relationship, and it should end for the good of both of you.

now, now. guesswork's a lot healthier than that!

Oh. I mean... I didn't mean... Oh... Um...

she's definitely young.. and that might be the problem.

So how much time per week do you spend with her? Maybe she's feeling neglected. Seems like you only spend time with her after about 9 at night. When do you two go to bed? Kinda sounds like you're not really into her, you'd rather be doing something else.

seems like you don't spend a lot of time togethe r. not much of a relationship. i would like to spend more time with my gf then that.

ok, sorry, i re-read. sounds like you only keep yourself busy on weekends while she's working too, so should be no problem. All you do is take one martial arts class besides work. Shouldn't be a big deal. maybe you guys could get away for some of the weekends you both have off. she should understand you work normal hours during the week and just want one fun class to take and it's only a few days a week not every day. tell her to chill and it IS a good amount of time you guys spend together. Nothing less then most couples or a healthy couple. tell her to find something else to do after work if she's antsy.

and that store thing has got to stop fine if it's weekly grocery shopping and you guys want to go together. but if one of you has to pick up one thing, having one person go is not a big deal and the waiting in the car thing is bs.

it will stop probably after together time has been increased to acceptable operating level in her mind/ heart.

but it sounds like he already spends maximum amount of time with her. Sounds like that's not going to be felt until she makes herself busy with her own extra time.

or they do more quaulity things together on their shared time weekends or weekday nights he doesn't have martial arts.

are you talking about every other weekend? good for her for drawing that line, if you don't like it, leave. You don't want to be in a relationship, at least not with her.

sure that's weird, but the rest of it? OP can't stand to be around her, so why is he? She shouldn't have to deal with his shit, he doesn't have to deal with hers. What's OP looking for? Advice on how to get out of the occasional, every-other-weekend?

sounds like the GF is complaining that they don't have enough time together my wife was like that until she finally figured out that after enough years the answer to "how was your day" does not change very much every day and once OP gets enough together time completed, the GF will eventually realize that there are more things in this world than her relationship with her man I have seen and experienced this pattern with just about every heterosexual woman that I know

I like being around her Too much time tho is too much. We live together in our own place. Before that, (almost x years ago) we lived in her parents house. I love being around her but I need some time to my self weather that is working or my class. I get home at x three days out of the week. We lay together on the couch and watch tv. Tuesdays and thursdays I get home at x and we do the same. On the weekends when she works, she does not get home till x so I do the same, I go out and work until she is done. Like I said, I like being around her, just when im not, I do not want to deal with all the bullshit that "oh you dont love me anymore". Thats what bothers me

I knew it she went from being with her parents to being with you. THAT to me raises flags. I've noticed people who don't have a time period where they are independant tend to exhibit these behaviors.

I told her many times that she needed to go out and experiance new things. She is the one that always wanted me home and spending the night and stuff.

he's only working on weekends SHE's working doesn't take time away from them. what's the big deal he takes a martial arts class x days a week. His one fun thing outside of work by himself to do and it's only x days a week. that's plenty of time for them to spend together. she needs to chill.

so, maybe she should cut down her weekend work hours. Sounds like retail - maybe the extra quality time together would be worth having a little less money.

you must be joking. OP's GF is already clingy because she has too little to do that isn't bound up with her BF. her quitting a part-time job will only make matters worse.

Yes, except his reasoning/defense is that there is no way at all for him to make more time for her: either one of them is working, or he is at his sports class. Dropping a sports class is a bad idea - those are essential for health. It does not not look like he can work less hours, sounds like a regular full-time job (though, if he could, that might be a solution), so the obvious solution would be to have her work less hours. If that's not what he wants - as it WOULD solve the "it's physiy impossible to spend more time with her" problem - the he should refer to my posting way below, the "she should leave you" one.

you have to get the initial investment ... out of the way. You have to get it to the point where she [almost] takes you for granted. [they never do completely] Instead of the week-end side jobs you are should re-hab/ repair your home or go pick her up from work and then go out to dinner. It takes a couple years I had to give up x of my x softball teams. Then after a couple years, I increased it back to x teams - one weeknight and a sunday night co-ed league where she is friends with wives/ GFs/ female team mates. You have to come home early a bunch of times, also tell her you'll be home at x am but show up at xpm ... you also have to encourage her to pursue her own hobbies so she gets out of the house and has something to do when you are at karate

having her own hobby(ies) is key here

no, not trained .. she asked me at first ... to reduce the softball teams especially on the weekends now after x years total together, I can probably get on a xrd team if I wanted to she knows I enjoy it and as long as it does not take away from me helping her or any other needs or "important" together time, she has no problem with it

what I am saying is that my wife eased up as our relationship progressed through the years some people might think that she "grew" as a person, but I think that she realized that once she was set with a significant other for the rest of her life, her attention focused outside of the marriage and she felt more at ease with both of us cultivating outside interests [IMHO it should be the other way- you should have outside interests FIRST, then get married second]

well, no, I agree with you there but if the underlying issue is a little more complicated then actual "spending time together", then IMO the situation only gets worse. For instance, like I mentioned above, someone who's never led a life that didn't include her parents or a boyfriend, or someone who has horribly low self-esteem..etc. I don't think *I've* ever been that way and I will not be that way since I've always been on my own and have had to do things on my own in life. SPending time away from someone is not an issue for me. Some people just aren't like that. If I were to date a guy who was like this, it would be a huge red flag to *me*. NO thanks. But of course YMMV

agree about the low self esteem issue never getting fixed unless they have you around x/x. gotta start with someone who has reasonable esteem that can find something else they like to do.