New here! need some friendly advice Hi I am not sure if Im putting this in the right spot, but this where i think it fits best. My husband and I have been married for x months, known each other our entire lives. He is x x/x years older then I am. My biological clock has been ticking for some time. (i am x he is x) Recently all i can think about is have a baby. Its so tough on me to watch all of my friends have babies. Hubby says im stressing and to let it happen when it does, I just feel very incomplete without my own children. He isnt worried about having kids, it doesnt faze him one way or the other. he is a very laid back person that doesnt stress about anything at all. I feel as if this is not a big deal to him and it should be, but then i remeber that he has a child from a relationship about x years ago. I just feel like screamming that "you dont care about having kids because you have already had x" great so I have to go without? How on earth do I confront this without making him feel i am stressing over it?

Are ya'll using birth control at all? If not, then what else do you expect him to do? He's not preventing you from getting knocked up and it will happen in its own time. Will him stressing out like you are make you feel better? If you are using BC, talk to him and set up a time frame to start trying. Maybe he wants to cement your relationship a bit more before having a kid. Nothing wrong with that. And as for you, just because your friends are doing it doesn't mean you have to. x is not on the fine line of not getting pregnant. You still have a few years to go before it starts to become a problem, if not more. Take a step back. Why make yourself so stressed out over something that may or may not happen? All you are doing is making yourself miserable and going to stress your marriage.

Well, you are stressing over it Why should he not know that? If you guys are having unprotected sex, then you're pretty much trying, so you will need to roll with it. If you are using BC, talk to him about a timeline to stop--like perhaps your anniversary. I feel you. My clock is on hyper-drive right now...

More.....I was diagnosed with PCOS Which causes me not to ovulate. I went to my obgyn and this time they put me on clomid. I just feel bad that I did this to make myself ovulate. I feel like I went behind his back to get pregnant. We dont use any Birth control at all. He comes home from over seas in March and has specifiy told me he doesnt want to "try" he just wants it to happen, Thats why i feel as if Im going behind his back going on these pills.

So he's in agreement that IF you get pregnant, it's okay by him?

Then go ahead and get pregnant

Then I don't see the problem with the pills. Unless... he's of some strange mindset that it must happen naturally, with no medical interference. You should probably tell him about the clomid, because if there are any issues with it, or if you do get pregnant and he accompanies you to doctor appointments, it will be revealed. Better tell him up front, instead of finding out you did it on the sly. Just tell him that because of your PCOS, it's not likely that you'd ever conceive naturally. The doctor recommended clomid to help nature along a bit, so you'd actually ovulate. Anything else is just nature taking its course, as he intended. Right?

ah, try this angle... Ovulation is a natural function of the female body. Yours doesn't ovulate because of the PCOS. The Clomid is to help ***ovulation***, which should be happening naturally, anyway. It's *NOT* just to get pregnant (medical interference), it's just medication to restore your body's natural function. So nature CAN take its course. Make sense?

Of course I did tell him about the pills, he just ed it me stressing things again. I have known about the PCOS for years, told him that was the issue, he wanted to wait a whole year from the time he got home before we consulted the doctor. I had my appt with a new obgyn and told them about the pcos, they did the normal routine and then did the pcos workup. They then ed yesterday to tell me results and ed in the script to start asap. I didnt ask deliberatly for the pills, just for them to run every test imaginable so in March we would know what we were looking at. So am I being sly about what i told him?

Would you and would he ever consider adoption?

yes but its extemely expensive plus having our own together would be the ultimate symbolism of our love for eachother. He is extremely smart (like genius type)

LOL - about the 'genius' part. Don't believe everything you hear about genius genes meaning that your child will also be a genius. My DH borders on genius level. IQ in the top xth percentile. But his parents are both average (one of them possibly borderline low), siblings average all but one (remedial). Both of DH's kids are average. There's a nephew showing clear signs now of genius level. You never know what you'll get.

yes I know But over all his personality and attitude would make for great kids. Even if they happen to have me mixed in... Hopefully his genes will balance my anxietys

So he's *NOT* in full agreement, then. You just said he wanted to wait a full year after he gets home, before consulting the doctor. So if pregnancy happens in the meantime, fine. If it doesn't, then he agrees to see the doctor. This is *NOT* full agreement. There's a difference of opinion about you taking the pills. You should have revealed this in your first post or two. So yeah, there's a problem. He specifiy said he wants to wait a year, and if you start on these pills *specifiy so you can get pregnant* before that time, then you're being dishonest with him. It's not the pills which are the problem, it's dishonesty. What I'd do, after letting the issue rest for a few months (since anything you say NOW is likely to be taken as pressure and 'stressing') ... I'd have another talk with him, tell him you'd like to start taking the pills. The doctor recommends it (yes, use the doctor as the 'bad' guy, that's allowed as long as it's factual, not you stretching the truth). If he's still against it, then you're going to have to wait that year. It won't kill you, and you're still plenty young enough to get started then.

I told him about the pills He seems fine that I have them and I asked if he was mad about me starting to take them and the answer is No, go ahead and take them. I told him specifiy I didnt go in there asking for pills just to find out more about the PCOS

aarrgghh! You're stressing ME out LOL with all this back-and-forth (he's in agreement, he's not in agreement, but he IS in agreement, etc.) Maybe he just doesn't want to hear all the details! You don't have to share every little detail about your cycles and ups and downs over this. Most guys I know run screaming from the room if any female even HINTS at cycles and eggs and blood and such. It really does creep them out. Don't stress over it, and don't drag him through your stress. Just quietly go about what you know needs to be done - take your pills!

as long as he knows, and *agrees* with you about your methods AND the timing of all this, then I don't see any problem! He just doesn't want to see you stressing over it. Save the discussion of all the minute medical details for your mother, sister or best friend (but do discuss the big stuff with him, of course!), and save for HIM the romance side of it. The more you talk about fertility cycles, ovulation, PCOS complications, drug interactions, etc. the more scientific this love/baby-making becomes. Don't take all the fun out of it for him. Good luck!!!

Stop tap dancing and have the explicited conversation with him. I think you are dead wrong to mess with him like this. If you dont like the idea of waiting a year have the discussion, be up front with him, come to a compromise. Taking those pills will change your behavior big time. I think you should wait to take them you can adjust to him coming home and you having the clomid crazies. I think you sneaking and telling him half the story is unfair to him and having a child is such a huge issue that your not playing fair!! I think you know your wrong other wise you would have gotten the pills and not said anything to anyone. When you look at your baby do you want to think this is the baby I scammed my husband to get??

Here's what that means. By not trying he means not monitoring the absolute best second to get knocked up and taking the fun out of sex. Have sex and hope for the best. Don't be the crazy woman with a thermometer up her pussy for when the temperature raises by one degree.

Even with clomid, it might not happen I wouldn't necessarily feel like I was cheating. He said "just wait and see if it happens." Well, you KNOW it's not going to happen if you aren't ovulating. This way, there's a chance -- which is all he said you needed. Win-win, in my book.

Not quite getting what the issue is here Is he saying he doesn't want to have kids, or he's in no rush? If he's in no rush meaning, it happens when it happens, what does it matter? If he's insisting you stay on the pill and/or keep using any other method of birth control from having it happen and you want it to happen right away then I say, okay, you might have an issue here. But from what it looks like you're just stressing and it will happen when you guys get pregnant. How long have you been trying? If you're thinking of seeing someone after being married x months you're going to have to wait longer. It might just not be happening yet. If you want to visit a fertility specialist I say you wait for the full year of actually trying to pass before you go.

Stress can PREVENT conception, you know. Really, it can. The more you stress about this, the less likely it's going to happen. So stop stressing already. Lots and lots of stories out there about couples who tried and tried, to no avail, fertility issues, etc. so they adopt. And bingo, as soon as the new baby comes home (and mom's stress melts away) - she gets pregnant. Happens all the time. What is there to confront with him? If you're on BC, talk with him about getting off it. If you're not having sex regularly, start doing that (no talk of babies, no work - just enjoy). He doesn't have to know when you're checking your temperature, you two just have to agree to pull out all the stops and let nature take its course. Does he have a problem with that?

Does he NOT want them right now, or would he be ok if it 'just happened' now?

He already know's how you're feeling. "Hubby says im stressing and to let it happen when it does..." There you have it - have sex and let it happen. Boom, wanting a kid stress over - having a kid stress begin.